I started reading this book a week or so before I went away on holiday, and after just a few pages I decided to put it aside and wait to read while away. It is that good.
We all know the story of David, the musician who became a hero by killing Goliath, but to view that event unroll through his own eyes is nothing short of magical. This was a book that I never wanted to end.
David had been promised King Saul’s daughter, Merav, if he killed Goliath. Merav is lovely and bubbly with a bust that points to the stars,’ but instead of Merav, Saul takes the opportunity to offload his other daughter, Michal, whose chest is as flat as a board. “Who on earth would want a flat-chested, grumpy Jewish princess like her?” asks David, but it’s Michal he ends up with.
Unsurprisingly, David’s imagination still conjures up visions of Merav, but her cleavage is even more revealing and her bust even riper, and so to compensate for having the flat-chested daughter dumped on him David starts sleeping around. And who can blame him?
The story finishes off with the tale of Bathsheba, who by all accounts was well fit. For those who aren’t familiar with her tale, David spotted her bathing on the roof of her apartment, flashing a bit of this and that, and …. well, I’m sure you get my drift. David’s over there in a New York heartbeat, and before you know it Bathsheba’s pregnant.
Well now, David’s in a bit of a tiz-woz because she’s actually married to one of his soldiers, Uriah the Hittite. So he’s obviously got to get rid of him. He sends him off to war with instructions to his generals that when the action hots up they’re all to leg it on out of there and leave old Uriah stranded, which they do. Uriah was a bit of a numbskull and when he was told to hold the fort on his own while they all pegged it to safety, he’s up for it.
Not for long, of course, because before you know it they’re all on him, “Uriah, ye dobber, tak' 'at ye twat, an' 'at, ye Sasanach heathen. Kick his heed in! Chop ay his heed!” and it doesn’t take long before it’s the end of old Uriah.
David gets beautiful Bathsheba, who gives birth Solomon, of all prophets.
I’ve always loved the tale of Bathsheba but trust me when I tell you that Uvi Poznansky is a master storyteller and writes her narrative much eloquently than I ever could.
All in all, this book (the first of three I believe) offers a unique insight into the early years of King David, and I absolutely loved it!