I must keep myself away from her

 

I must keep myself away from her, to protect both of us from gossip. In secret I send word to Bathsheba, to let her know that I intend to take care of her. I want to do the right thing, one way or another—even though I have no idea, at first, what that may mean. What action should I take? Should I reunite her with her husband, or else take him out of the way, somehow, and make an honest woman out of her? 

Utterly baffled I close my eyes. I try not to think about the forbidden woman, not to imagine her nude—but my mind works against me. 

There she is, sitting in her bedroom, crossing one leg over another at the edge of the bed. By her side, over the richly embroidered, velvety blankets, lays her robe. It is damp and crumpled, because in my mind she has just come out of the bath. From somewhere above soft, golden light is washing over her, letting her flesh glow against the darkness. Light glances off a teardrop earring that is hanging from her earlobe.

I pay no attention to the maid, who is kneeling there before her, because she is barely seen, sunk in the shadows of my vision. Instead I focus on imagining Bathsheba. I paint her face turned from me, in profile. She is holding back a tear as my note rustles in her hand, with the whisper of my word of honor. 

By the look in her eye, she senses that which I have not yet begun to consider. With profound sadness, she can already foresee the calamity, which my promise would cause for her, and for her husband, Uriah. In my mind Bathsheba is already grieving—and yet, she seems to accept her fate, the way I would dictate it.

I wipe my eyes, to make her disappear. My confusion starts to border on a sense of panic. 

I find myself feeling guilty one moment, and the next moment blaming everything on my trusty soldier, Uriah. I hate him, I mean, I love him, I do—but as a doting husband, he should have been more careful. 

He should have kept her out of sight, so her beauty would not tempt me. If you think this is a harsh thing to say I agree with you—but then, consider this: by the law of the land I am above the law.

A Peek at Bathsheba

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